October 2012
72 posts
D still here?
dumb chicken
completely overwhelmed and stressed out today
i want to cut
free flow "poetry"
Invisible -as if im in someone elses dream.
i can see them - but they cant see me.
a ghost of an image - do i dare to speak - to touch
silently passing by - brushing up against reality
it does not leave a mark
but it hurts
i am sleeping
no wait - im awake - they are sleeping
dont wake me up
i dreamed a dream
of arrows and guns and knives
kill the bad. kill the sad.
open up the wounds...
i want a pet fish
psychosis feels like
haveing a weird day.
to feel surreal.
in and out of it.
grounding pens
noise - traffic
tight clothes
confused
hang in there
see b soon
no prisoners today
breathe
my lovely friend D
laurenlikesthings:
i just heard somebody call real life “the outernet”
excuse me while i never say ‘real life’ again
D looking for u on fb
letter to therapist 10/29/12
today i struggle not to write to you. I know I’m going to see you in a couple days…which i am thankful for. but i want you to know some things before i see you.
I feel like im not doing so well right now. Not unstable like last week. More like, I am able to function (quite well) but on the inside im really struggling with some things.
A big one right now is emotional...
“Unless youre a vampire, life doesnt have to suck”
Nice to see some new faces on my blog
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT! I SO APPRECIATE IT!!
Therapy 10/25/12 Part one
It was tough.
On Tuesday we talked about sexual issues that have happened in the past. I was unable to go into very much detail. Amazingly, I was able to open up about it to a dear friend who gives me unconditional love. That brought everything to the surface and I couldnt cope.
I kept reaching out to my therapist but she wasnt answering my emails and i ended up cutting ( alittle bit). She...
hey people with BPD - a bit of advice from my...
It is like spilling your bowl of cereal … Just say it and let it go. Sometimes just helps the pain and feelings even just a bit
i know she meant well - but…….. really - if it were so easy…… good grief!
you cant explain to the layperson what BPD is
they just dont understand. they think its so easy to think happy thought, be positive and just - let it go. this is an illness. im not like your average person.
i dont even know what i said wrong
sad and confused
i dont understand why you follow me if you arent even going to comment, support or like anything i say.
i have all of about 3 people who really care
i realize this is probably borderline attitude - but what can i say, i have borderline
im needing a lot of support right now
i feel so alone
my first emergency therapy appointment with B :(
Today at 3
R & R
I think i will stop by the thrift store on the way home and buy a couple videos. go home to bed and watch them tonite and get in some rest and relaxation.
10-24-12
have been doing a lot of thinking. i think i can open up a bit more next time. its so scary tho. the things i think about myself and know about myself are hard to admit. to be honest about things i feel are horrible is not easy. But im doing it to get better. I think im still that horrible person. just like with the munchausens, the first step was admitting it to myself. and then to you. and i DID...
cant say the msg of support was all that...
Reply from therapist
Life is all about learning and growing.
It is not a competition or a race.
Try to find a lesson in all of your experiences and don’t judge yourself or others.
Reblog if you have met someone online that you...
specialrumble:
letter to therapist
trying to hang in there. tough nite/tough day today.
feeling really low. quiet/withdrawn. cried so much last nite my eyes still burn. It took a lot for me not to find something sharp and cut myself up. still fighting the urge. having anxiety and that weird floaty feeling. so many thoughts and emotions are flooding me. i just want to sleep. my head hurts. when i get home from work i just want to...
dissociating :(
emotional eating
just sat here and ate a small loaf of banana/strawberry bread
what happened.........
bad things ive done that i am ashamed about and have never talked about.
last night was the hardest therapy session ive...
i was still crying when i left the office
my eyes still burn
it was all i could do not to cut myself up last nite
i hate myself
i harbor so much shame
Interesting.....I have 3 followers and 46 lurkers...
Thanks K, D, & sbys
3 tags
Clarinet Kids 10-18-12
Zach (age 13)- No lesson - on vacation
Corey (age 11) - The kid who made it all worth it last week was so disappointing this week :( He was only given a “good” on his lesson report. He came completely unprepared! He was supposed to practice the duet he will be playing for the recital. He didnt even bring the music. He said he practiced but was unable to tell me what he practiced and...
sad
I find when i have a particularly good session with my therapist ……. i miss her more before i see her again. right now im missing her. :(
right now im tired
im alwayssssss tired
sometimes sad and tired can get mixed in
im also sad that i might lose one of my favorite clarinet kids, Ashwin as there is a conflict with the day and time. :(
Different Shades of Borderline →
castletime:
bpdthings:
Low Functioning Borderline – The “Low Functioning” borderline is what most people think of when they are first introduced to the condition. Low functioning BPDs are a living train wreck. They have intense difficulties taking care of their basic needs, are constantly experiencing mood swings. They also have an extremely hard time managing any sort of relationship with...
Just stuff 10-120-12
I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE SO MUCH PAIN WHEN I AM ON MEDS!!!!!!
God, I just want to cut my fucking arm off!
Still fighting this cold - its almost done - i think, i hope.
Raining and dark today.Such a contrast to yesterday
looking forward to a relaxing weekend
i think i will call my niece if shes available? K???
teaching was good last night altho my star student was an utter disappointment...
yey - got a msg from my therapist. her 5 o'clock...
feelin kinda low
so hard waiting all day for therapy to come *sigh*
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