almost surreal - but not bad. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. I wrote to my therapist indicating I want to go back after summer. She said she looks forward to working with me again whenever I am ready. Love my therapist!
2 let me know when youre back online
catch up on my blog when you have a chance
was great to see you and doug on Saturday. You look great! Thanks for the compliments on my hair and “make up” :) *hugs*
I went for a 4.23 walk yesterday!!
I MISS YOU!!!!!
(Source: klacreature, via fragile--handlewithcare)
venus-in-lilac asked: Just hoping you're going ok, dear ~
yes …i’m okay. a bit sad. but at the same time i know i just did a very healthy thing for myself. Mental Illness …….a constant battle. It took hold of me when I was 11. I finally took hold of it. I am in control. not my illness. Thanks for posting to me. xoxo Jan
1 I made a mistake
I own the mistake
I apologize
I forgive my self
I move on
those are the things to remember when I relapse.
I recently have been heading for a relapse with my MBI (Munchausen By Internet). Something made me needy - i dont know what.
Kristy is my innerchild. I do not have DID. although theres a small part of me that wonders because Kristy used to feel so real to me…even though I knew it was a fantasy.
Something made me want Kristy back….and in my quest to figure out if I have DID, my Munchausens got triggered. I let kristy back out. Kristy made a friend. and then I heard my words on the documentary this morning…….. and I knew I had to stop.
This might be confusing - and I’m sorry for that. But I decided I had to write this if only for my self. To tell myself to knock it off. You dont need to be Kristy anymore.
The only time I’m allowed to be Kristy is if people know she is not real and that I am role playing. (if anyone wants to role play with me - that would be fun - but we have to know its NOT REAL).
I made a mistake, I am taking ownership of the mistake, I apologize for it. I forgive myself. I have a mental illness that I need to get back in control. something I can do. and I move on.
2 Anonymous asked: Post a picture of you?
the profile pic is me.
Sunday June 3rd = 4.23 miles
walked the steampipe trail. Next time I will bring my camera and take pics as I go along.
only 95 + miles to go lol
saw your note to me on FB. I’m doing good. My mind is trying to play games with me - but I’m Not down or depressed or anxious or anything. Just fighting not to slip into the world of Kristy (my innerchild). I’m a little bit confused about whats going on and its triggering my other disorders. But …well - I cant complain because I dont feel bad.
How bout you? I hope you make another video. I LOVED the one you did the other day. I honestly LOL about 3 times! :)
I’m excited because Jani the child with schizhophrenia is going to be on tonight. “The next Chapter”. Very interesting child. and oh so hard for her parents. according to the advertis. it sounds like they think her little brother Bodie may have signs of it too. that would be very very unsual since childhood schizophrenia is very rare in the first place. but to have 2 children in one family? wow!
Tomorrow my documentary will air. I dont want to give it out until I hear it first tho. N0t even to my therapist because I have never heard the whole thing put together with the DR and the other person interviewed.
Just made a cup of coffee…….. time to sit on my bed, drink coffee and journal about the day while watching tv.
Hope you had a good day …sorry I didnt get back to you earlier. I went for a 4.23 mile walk and it wiped me out for most of the day!
Take Care, xoxo Jan
whoever posted this i want to talk to you!!
Those 14 year old girls on tumblr who make posts signed by different aliases with exotic/fantasy names claiming that they work within a multiple system in a perfect harmony all loving each other with these cute little quirks and abilities and shit.
Stop that shit it isn’t…
It’s all those middle school kids you see doing that rubbish, suddenly it’s the ‘in’ thing to be mentally ill. Suddenly some kid is manic depressive sometimes they feel happy and sometimes (gasp) sad and some other kid is schizophrenic because they thought they saw something out of the corner of their eye that one time and then there’s that other kid who fixes the label of Asperger’s onto themselves because they’re not particularly fond of some texture of some food. And, yes, the kids who make up alters consciously and dramatise them as if it’s some nifty, cool child’s game.
I know it’s always been happening and it’ll always be annoying but every time I see it happening, anyone treating this kind of stuff like it’s something really fun to have and something charmingly peculiar, I have to go rant to somebody about it.
ssfdgljrjejh
blarg words.
i feel the same way 100%.
i mean yes, it’s okay to question whether or not you have something but to say blatantly “i DO have this because reasons” just isnt right… i questioned alot when i was a teenager but i repeatedly asked for psych referrals with my GP because i wanted to *know* and not just suspect it, you know? then when i found out what DID was and thought i had it, i then went into denial for nearly 2 years because i absolutely couldnt accept the truth :/
i knew someone who made up alters once… they found out about me being us and then BANG they all of a sudden have DID, but of course the “alters” only came out when it was convenient for them, to bitch about someone or to cheat on someone without taking responsibility… it drove me insane, it was insulting.
it’s now got to the point where some of my alters are ashamed of who they are, even ashamed of their names because they arent “normal enough” - people see the strange foreign name and assume we’re just a kid who watches too much anime, and it shouldnt be that way but all these people thinking it’s cool has made it happen. we’ve even had some who want to change their names just to stop the accusations, but that isnt fair to them at all because they have a reason to be the way they are…
djkchgpqwhfxipq too many feels about this, bad feels :<
If I could have just one super power, just one (how humble), it would take all the bad feels away. Never mind water manipulation or super strength or anything of that sort. Hugs are effective but not guaranteed to fix things and chocolate isn’t either, but they’re all I realistically have, so I offer my hugs and chocolate to you.
15 I wanted to talk to you but couldnt find your ask button or send mail button…
I unknowingly volunteered myself to do a recital on the 15th!!!!
Apparently lost in the conversation my teacher and the pianist were having before my rehearsal, when the pianist asked “Would you like to play”? I said, Sure - thinking she meant lets stop talking and play.
Then when it was time to go - she said see you on the 15th. I said, “I AM?” apparently there was a whole conversation that I didnt even know I was participating in!
is THAT DID? holy conoly
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